ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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