pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
