are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
