Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
