You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize