She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
