so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
