Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
