Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
