Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
