That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
