i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
