I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
