That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
