But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
