Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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