just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
