The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
