wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
