I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
