TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
