It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
