Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
