We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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