Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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