Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
