You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
