Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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