Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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