how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
did i just pee glitter
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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