Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
