im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
