I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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