this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
