Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
