He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
