Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
