Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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