I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
