Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
