I'm really into asian looking animals
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
