just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
