he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
