you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
