The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
