So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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