I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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