end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
