If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
