Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
