Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
