Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
