Life is so much better after having sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
