Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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