party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
