I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
