Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
