just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
