I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
