margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize