Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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