life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
