I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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