Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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