When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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