God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
