My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
