see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
