you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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