It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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