I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
