that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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