No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
