Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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