party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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