I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
