I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
its not stalking. its research.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
