uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
