Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
