Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Pants are for mortals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
