Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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