Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
